The universe has a way of slowing you down when you need to. Especially if you know you need to slow down, but ignore it. This is one of my many, many life lessons.
Typically if I have been red-lined for too long and feel like I have been spinning my wheels, metaphorically speaking, the universe happily steps in and slaps me right upside the head, er, knee as it were. As I write this, I am icing my newly colored knee and drinking tea while stealing glances at my crutches propped against my couch. Again.
I'm not being dramatic. I have been injured so many times I am semi-familiar with the emotional cycle I go through. I am sure some of you can relate. I am a very active person, both in business and in thought. I thrive in an active lifestyle. I, I, I, I... identifications with the self that have become imbued into my persona.
I am a professional rider. I am a professional trainer. I compete. I run a successful program. I work hard. I multi task and grow. I know I need to have better self care. I love doing yoga. I love climbing. I put those things aside to "focus" on my riding, my students, and my goals of competing at the upper levels. I worry that if I take the time out of my schedule to practice yoga, I will not ride enough horses to be successful. I fear being considered less driven and focused than other trainers if I take time to honor my love of travel as well. I fear my clients will not feel supported if I am not available 150% of the time.
I knew this was coming. I almost talked myself into slowing down, but then things ramp up again and away I go! Full steam ahead. This is why the universe both guides, humbles, and protects me. So it goes.
Listen, I'm not writing this for attention, consolation, nor for fuck's sake- pity. I just wanted to write. Sometimes sharing this stuff is helpful. If you read it and can relate, great. If not, our typical attention span is so short with social media that by the time you click back to Facebook, you will likely have forgotten you read this.
The reason I know I needed to slow down is simple. This time I'm not fighting being injured. I'm just taking a deep breathe and settling in for the ride. I have moments of frustration, but they are almost immediately followed by a little bit of acceptance/resignation/peace. Hopefully, this time off will allow me to take the time I need to re-focus my priorities and move to the next stage of integration surely waiting. I just need to let go. My intention is to listen closely and give myself the ability and permission to heal and grow stronger for it.
A quote that resonates with me today
The oldest wisdom in the world tells us we can consciously unite with the divine while in this body; for this man is really born. If he misses his destiny, Nature is not in a hurry; she will catch him up someday, and compel him to fulfill her secret purpose.
(President of India, 1962-67)