Don't Believe Yourself
As my knee begins to heal, I am able to start practicing yoga a bit again. It feels as if it has been eons. Yesterday was the first actual practice I tried to move through. It was awful.
Yes, I said yoga was awful. Over the course of the last few weeks those muscles that I had been actively engaging were now compensating for others that were not in use and I found myself a bit "softer" in areas that were not as soft prior to knee impact day. The by product of feeling physically depleted going into my practice was that I felt emotionally depleted while practicing. Oh that inner voice, she's brutal!
Compounding my tentative return to the mat is that I just committed to begin my yoga teacher training course! I am thrilled and slightly terrified at it. In fact, it's a little like going out of the box on cross country! You know you're ready. You're super excited and a small part of you asks, "What the $#(_$@ was I thinking?" So, in addition to feeling out of sorts physically, instantly I felt pressure in my practice to prepare for my YTT! This all of a sudden brought my inner, comparative voice to my mind. "You aren't strong enough to practice." "You won't be healed enough to do the YTT." "When you get to the YTT, everyone will be able to do more yoga than you, Miss Knee Injury." Whoa. So, I went on a really long trail ride yesterday with a few of my favorite barn people. I took a minute to bring awareness to where my mind went yesterday morning while painfully attempting downward dog. I joked about it. I teased myself and I enjoyed the fresh air and my horses. Interestingly, my instructor for the YYT course reached out to me yesterday afternoon to follow up about my knee (I explained it on the application). He was almost laughing in that yoga-teacher-gentle-way and said, "Ahhh, but yoga is for everybody. This is actually exciting because we can work through different modifications that will help others later." And there you go. That is why yoga is the answer. Change your prospective. Notice your mind. Don't believe yourself. Today I was gentler with myself on my mat and it made all the difference.